Goodbye Headclutcher - Time to Change photo campaign x

Hey there. How many times would you say you've seen images like this when the media talks about mental health issues?

For me, one is enough and I find it incredibly off putting to say the least. My mental health just doesn't look like that the majority of the time. Ok, ok I confess that when I am in the depths of depression I do have some images which mirror this one, however I am not constantly in that place and I certainly wouldn't want anyone to believe I was.

Why? Because even if you have a mental health issue, you are not always in that place. You have days, like we all do, when we laugh, sing and dance and those times although pinned together with the bleakness, crying and despair deserve to be celebrated too.

Stephen Fry in one of the new campaign images

 http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/campaign-launched-to-stop-depression-being-illustrated-with-headinhands-pictures-10116855.html

So Time to Change are campaigning all media outlets to dispense with the Headclutcher images and go for the reality.  That all of us are individuals and we all experience mental health issues in very different ways.

So this is me today and I am feeling rather pretty I have to say...........

What image would you like to see as a portrait of your today?

World Mental Health Day 2013 x

So today happens to be World Mental Health Day. If you have been a follower of my blog for some time or you are just popping over for a quick looksy, I have a mental health disorder called Bipolar Affective Disorder and I am also potentially looking at another diagnosis of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder so I am part of that club as it were.

Just briefly, I began suffering from depressive episodes after I left home and over time they gradually became mush worse. I eventually had a breakdown 12 years ago and was diagnosed in 2003. I take a combination of an antidepressant and a drug called Lithium but these do not keep me 100% stable. Currently I have ill for almost 10 months this time although I am starting to feel more myself today. It is not easy having a mental health condition because on the outside you can look perfectly well, not ill at all unless you're having a massive panic attack in the middle of a shop or you smell because you haven't had the wherewithall to shower for days on end. Yes that honestly has been me on occasions. It is not easy to talk about either. I can talk about it until the cows come home to people I know well but get me out doing volunteer work Time to Change and I clam up. People who know me, know that rarely happens.

What I would love today is that if you know someone, anyone, who had/has a mental health issue such as depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, agrophobia, postnatal depression, an eating disorder or any other issue related to mental health then please go call them, or hug them, kiss them, tell you love them. And see what happens. I will be doing exactly the same so please join me for just one day in making a difference to that person's life. You be doing a great thing.

Yep that is me at a year of age, my whole life in front of me. Not a care in the world. I wish I didn't have this disorder but I do and I want that little girl and others who may be like her to know she's actually ok.

A Bipolar update x

Thank you all so much for the kind good wishes for my volunteer adventure on Saturday, I had a wonderful time. More on that a bit later. I know I created a separate page for Bipolar but I have decided to do a little update for you in recognition of the work Time to Change does in encouraging people to talk about mental health. So I'm going to talk to guys about what's been happening for me over the last 8 months.

So basically I have been sick again for the past 8 months, it seems strange to say that but sadly occasionally I do get that ill. The last time was about 11 years ago before I got diagnosed and was far worse, but this time several things have happened at once. In January I began feeling depressed again and this was a really hard depression. I got to the point where I was having panic attacks again and finding it very difficult to look after myself properly. I couldn't even go out without having someone with me at times. My parents are counted as my carers now so alot of the supportive stuff fell to them. Of course my sister is equally as supportive and also my amazing friends, but ultimately mum and dad are closest. I began taking more Lithium again and this seems to have gradually worked. I have a very good psychiatrist and Community psychiatric nurse and also a good GP. Between them all I have been seeing several people alot over the past few months. Add in the odd blood test and that is alot of visits. Gradually I began to feel better for a few days at a time and now I am beginning to get good weeks.

Obviously there are some things which have been more affected than others. My self-confidence took a major nosedive and I couldn't cope with being in confined or busy spaces. Even after a few months when my friend and I went to London I nearly lost it on the underground.

                                                     

At the moment, I have been coming off the antidepressant I have been on for 12 years. Apparently it can make you more depressed with longtime usage. I came off it completely a few weeks ago but started getting some withdrawal symptoms which were unpleasant, so went back on with a lower reducing dose. Last week I started feeling like I had vertigo again and at the time I also had an ear infection so just put it down to that. I was feeling very sick and dizzy on Saturday during my volunteer adventure so didn't go in on Sunday. Instead I went to the local hospital where the doctor diagnosed Citalopram withdrawal. I felt too ill to even drive. Thankfully my upstairs neighbour kindly drove me. So today I saw my psychiatric team and I have started a new antidepressant called Sertraline which does a similar thing to Citalopram so hopefully the side effects will dissipate and I'll begin to feel better.

I also have a new CPN who is very nice, I had to swap to a different team cos I've been ill too long for the other team. I am in the process of being referred for some more intensive therapy because my psychiatrist feels I also have something called Emotionally unstable personality disorder. I don't know much about this yet but I fit all the boxes and it does explain alot about my emotional issues and how why I do find some aspects of my life more challenging. Apparently it is common to have more than one diagnosis.


This me, this is my life and to be honest even though it is tough and challenging and upsetting I wouldn't have it any other way because it means I can share my experiences and hopefully help other people who feel a bit like me.

Having a funny five minutes ~ or have you got a mental health issue? x

Hello and welcome to a post in support of Mental Health awareness week. I wanted to do my part to raise awareness of mental health issues and this week is the perfect opportunity. As most of my regular readers know I have Bipolar affective disorder previously known as Manic Depression. For me this means periods of crippling depression which can last on and off for months. I am currently working through one of those periods now and have been ill since January. This is the first time in about 12 years it has gone on this long.

To understand Bipolar you need to see a pretty picture..................

Pretty huh? All those lovely waves are however something quite devastating. The straight line is normal mood and the waves under the line mean depression, above the line mean mania. For me I suffer primarily from the depression. It is not feeling low or a bit blue or a little blip like some people tell me. It is the most mind numbing foggy experience of nothingness you could possibly imagine. It is not a black dog, I like dogs. It is like being a walking zombie, a living death. That is the closest analogy I can use.

I am not alone,

 at least 1 in 4 people will suffer from some form of mental health issue in their life. 

 

This could related to a stressful incident, loss and grief, trauma or a chemical imbalance of the brain like Bipolar. Some people have a personality disorder, an eating disorder, they may self-harm, they may have postnatal depression or peurperal psychosis. Whatever their personal diagnosis, they have a mental health problem. Many of these people will recover and never experience a similar event again, but for people like me, we will continue to experience debilitating illness for the rest of our lives.

''On average, someone with bi-polar will have five or six episodes over a 20-year period.'' 

Since I was correctly diagnosed, I have already had at least 2 episodes a year which over 12 years means 24. If that rate continues and I live to the ripe old age of 80 years, I can expect to have a minimum of 66 further episodes in my lifetime. Imagine how that makes me feel? 

66 more depressive episodes.

 But hey, in between those periods, I will be ''normal'' I put that in inverted commas because in all honesty what is normal? My main saving graces are my friends and family, especially my parents who sadly are counted as my carers and my sister and her boyfriend. I have a brilliant psychiatrist and Community Psychiatric nurse who support me medically. I have my crafting and singing, when I am well enough cos when it's bad I loose the ability to even listen to music. And dear readers I have this blog and you.

Blogging is not only a way to share craft, reading and fun, but also a kind of therapy for me. I write to stay sane and it helps me focus.  I also do Sudoko and codewords to try and dispel the fogginess of my brain. I had 2 1/2 weeks of relatively happiness then 4 days of non-stop crying and depression but now I feel happier again.

I would like to end on one of my favourite poems. It is love poem but in this instance it is a message of hope that I carry all the things that are beautiful and good like music, friendship and love in my heart saved and protected as warmth to fight off the sadness I feel. 

 “I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart) I am never without it (anywhere
I go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)
I fear no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet)I want no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart) 

E. E. Cummings. 

 

Mental Health Awareness week x

Hello and welcome to another week of blogging. For me, this week is centred around Mental Health Awareness week. As many of you know, I have a condition called Bipolar Affective disorder which I was diagnosed with officially about 10 years ago, but which has been insidiously affecting my life since I was 18 years old. If you want to know more then do please read the page dedicated to my story, or some or my story at least.


So this week marks a week of raising awareness of all mental health conditions and I wanted to share a little of what will be happening nationally and perhaps in your local area, to do my part to raise awareness.

and everything stops for tea xx

or so we say in jolly England. I haven't blogged for ages and so I was scooting through my friend's blog posts when Abi's caught my eye. She's inviting us all to sit down and share some tea and story telling with her.

So welcome to my humble abode which today is jolly chilly. I am sitting writing this with a fluffy cat curled up beside me. She will probably give you a look and maybe purr if you tickle her chin. I would offer you tea, you can choose several varieties at the moment - Earl Grey from Fortnum and Mason's (a gift from a friend), Red Bush tea, Lapsang Sushong, Darjeeling -  we like variety. I might even be able to find a herbal one if you're lucky. I would offer you a biscuit although they're not all that exciting.

As I have my laptop on I'd ask for you opinion on my new blog developments. Do you like the header, can you contact me through my new banners? Do you like the background design? I'd ask you what else you'd like to see on the blog and how user friendly it is/isn't.

I might share with you my mental health issues today which are getting better. Everyday is very different. Only five days ago I was having panic attacks and scaring my parents to death. But today I feel happier, less tired and certainly not a panic attack in sight.

I would tell you I have been making some crocheted bits, a granny square which is turning into a blanket and some jam jar covers from Attic 24. I would tell you I love the repetition and the colours I have in my basket.

If it is warm enough and yes the sun just came out, I would take around the grounds so we could look at the spring flowers which are coming out and check how the fish in the pond are. I would then bring you home for more tea and biscuits, well who's counting calories today honestly?

I might tell you about the books I've read recently and the fun I am having discovering new authors. Or of the new blogs I'm enjoying and the fun I'm having reading Julie Kirk's blog posts on blog posting. I might show you Bright Bazaar where colour and blogging mix together with travel, DIY and life and I'm getting slightly addicted. I'd tell you how passionate I am about supporting The Friend Movement a campaign to end bullying. I might tell you my bullying story.

Friend Movement was created to help show positive anti-bully images through art and media. Images of people of all ages, race, gender, sexuality, and spirituality that invoke inspiration & conversation. Friend movement inspires people to prevent bullying by enabling them to be a better friend.

I would show you my new craft room where there used to be a guest bedroom and the new desk and shelves that have been made from Ikea. Mine has beech draws instead of white like the one below. I would show you how I have begun organising my crafting supplies and that I am hoping my scrapbooking mojo returns really soon.

I might ask you what plans you have for crafting and what you have planned for the Easter holidays. You might be travelling like Abi is or you might be at home with family and friends. We might chat about going to church on Easter Sunday or in my case perhaps the Cathedral.

Whatever happens during our time together I will gain joy from our friendship and meeting and look forward with anticipation to our next one which I hope will be at your home so we can share your plans.